Team 7, Anything Goes Ninja!
by Largo
Summary: Happosai has had enough of Ranma. Using an ancient scroll he banishes Ranma and Akane to a place where he'll find opponents even he can't beat. Too bad for them, Ranma doesn't lose when it counts and keeping the kids he's saddled himself with safe does.


Team 7, Anything Goes Ninja!

Another silly Naruto / Ranma Fic

Well, I really didn't want to try another fic with Naruto & Ranma but I'm not writing much at all at the moment, and hope writing anything, even this will help. I doubt this will go anywhere but I guess something is better than nothing eh?

Anyway, I've tried to keep the first half of this as close to the feeling of Ranma ½ as I can. I plan to try and keep Sasuke as the loveable ass-hole / rival to Naruto he used to be during the early parts of Naruto and not the brain-dead prat he turned into later, and attempt to avoid all bashing.

Constructive criticism on style, plot and how to improve welcomed. Bitching about stuff being silly, wrong or can't exist will be ignored as. This. Is. Spar – Fiction!

Updated 19th Sept – Fixed a load of grammar and adjusted a few sentences for detail

x-X-x

The sun was shining brightly in the sky, with only a few fluffy white clouds breaking up the massive expanse of blue. The birds sang in the trees inside the Tendo's garden. A koi leapt out of the pond, twisted in a display of power and agility and then went back under the water. It was quiet for once, one of those rare days when nothing crazy was going on. A day of the type that hadn't occurred regularly for nearly the last two years since the Saotomes had arrived.

Usually some crazy martial artist would pop up at that moment to shatter the silence and cause some chaos, or one of Ranma's many fiancées or rivals would begin another zany plan to marry or defeat Ranma, heir to the Saotome school of martial arts. However, today it seemed they were all off doing something else. A betting man, would be weighing up the odds of who would cause the peaceful day at the Tendos to turn into a battlefield. Not many would guess Kasumi would be the catalyst, with four little words.

"Ranma. Akane." Kasumi called as she stepped into the dojo, interrupting the pair's practising, or in reality Ranma's dodging Akane's attacks and mocking her. "Could you help me?"

"Sure Kasumi." Ranma quickly used the distraction to poke Akane on the back of her head which toppled her from being overstretched from her last attack.

"Waah!" Akane yelped as she tumbled to the floor.

"Whatcha need?" Ranma finished as he turned to face Kasumi.

"No fair! Cheater!" Akane slapped the floor in frustration.

"I'm trying to clean Uncle Happosai's room, but, well it's...sort of..." Kasumi played with the edge of her apron as she tried to come up with a positive spin on Happosai's hobbies.

"Full of 'liberated silky darlings'?" Ranma stated with sarcasm and disgust. Akane got back to her feet and readjusted her gi.

"Disgusting with all the stolen underwear and porn?" Akane rolled her eyes.

"Well...yes."

"So you need help getting rid of the old freak's collection so you can clean the room. Hmm, we're going to need to cleanse it with fire. Who knows what sick stuff he gets up to with them." Ranma said thoughtfully.

"Um...we really shouldn't judge his hobby." Kasumi stated, but even she was struggling to hide her own disgust.

"Kay, you need us to clear out the room." Ranma nodded with a serious expression. "I'll get changed. Akane get the matches."

"I've already got the petrol." Kasumi held up a canister and smiled sweetly.

"Baka, you haven't even broken a sweat." Akane grumbled and added unflattering words under her breath.

"I mean *changed*." Ranma indicated pouring water over his head. "Ain't no way I'm handing the perv's collection as a guy. Or without gloves." he added as an afterthought.

x-X-x

Just inside the living-room, Genma and Soun sat and studied the board before themselves with the intensity only masters of martial arts could. Each trying to come up with a new and devastating way of distracting the other so they could rearrange the board to their advantage, while at the same time trying to plan another doomed attempt to get their children married.

"Have we tried getting them drunk yet?" Soun asked, not moving his eyes from the board.

"Last month Tendo. Failed like the three times before." Genma responded.

"Hmm. How about sending them on a training trip together to grow closer?"

"Tried it already, remember? Usually ends up with all the boy's girlfriends tagging along."

"Ah yes. The *girlfriends*." Soun stated darkly. "Isn't it about time you put your foot down Saotome? Sort your boy out."

"Well Tendo, I really would, but you know how he won't listen to his own father's sagely advice, and he's gotten far too good to beat some sense into him any more. Remember what he did to that demon that showed up the other month?" Genma stated, his glasses flashing ominously.

"I'm trying to forget." Soun replied with a shudder. The pair went quiet for a few more minutes before Soun once more spoke up. "You, know. What we need is a good kidnapping to bring them closer together. Akane's hasn't had one for a few months now. She's about due one."

"Excellent suggestion Tendo." Genma nodded, contemplating the possibilities of that. Maybe they could set one up.

"You two are morons. You realise that?" Happosai, the last occupant of the room decided to speak up, taking time out from ironing the panties before him with his mini portable iron.

The two fathers raised their eyes together, to make sure the other was going to look towards Happosai at the same time. They turned as one once they were sure the other wasn't going to rearrange the board.

"And what do you suggest Master?" Genma asked.

"Yes Master, how would you get them together?" Soun wondered.

"Well, honestly? I'd leave them alone and let their love bloom by itself. Without you two idiots breathing down their necks at every turn they might have time to themselves to get to know each other...intimately." Happosai suggested with a slightly lecherous tone while taking his pipe out and lighting it so he could smoke. Genma and Soun looked at each other and blinked as if having a great realisation.

"Nah! Like that'll ever work." they both exclaimed together.

"Them two getting together without our fatherly guidance?" Soun chuckled away to himself. "That's a good one."

"As if." Genma shook his head at the incredulous suggestion. Then he had an idea. "Master! Why don't you help us? Surely you can teach my boy to respect his father in this matter?"

"Don't concern me, and nobody respects you anyway." Happosai puffed away. "Besides, that boy's got insane talent. I'd have to go all out to beat him nowadays, and I don't feel like putting the effort into it. Anyway, I've got too many silky darlings to take care of!"

"Coward." Genma muttered.

"What was that?" Happosai asked as his powerful aura darkened the room, causing the two men to grab and cling to each other in fear. The shrivelled master was suddenly looming ominously over them.

"Nothing!" Genma squeaked.

"And it better be." Happosai gave the pair a final glare before returning to his ironing. Genma and Soun separated as their master went back to his hobby and they returned to their seats before the board.

"There's got to be something we can do?" Soun said shakily.

"I don't think there is, the Master won't help us and he's probably the only one capable of taking my boy down a peg or two - huh? What that?" Genma found his attention captured as bras and panties began floating down outside, as if it were raining women's underwear.

"Nice try Saotome, but I won't be distracted so easily." Soun chuckled.

"Keep them coming Ranma-chan." Kasumi appeared and called up towards the top floor as another load of underwear came floating down. That was enough to draw Soun's attention to the side as well. He and Genma watched on with growing horror as the Master's collection rained down from being thrown out the upstairs window. Kasumi and Akane began sweeping the clothing up into the centre of the yard.

"Should we do anything?" Soun asked as he and Genma shared a terrified glance at each other and then over to the oblivious Happosai as he sat with his back to the yard.

"Do nothing Tendo." Genma hissed and quickly turned back to the board. They both attempted to ignore what was going on in the yard, hoping to avoid any of the blame. For they knew the Master's wrath would be swift and wrathful.

"That's the last of those!" Ranma's female voice called out before she began throwing out all the dirty magazines Happosai also had. Those to were quickly swept up on to the growing pile, which soon ended up around seven feet high.

Once the last of the collection was thrown outside, Ranma climbed out the window and dropped down to join the two girls below. She began to pull off the rubber gloves she was wearing as she approached. They too went on to the pile as Kasumi began to pour the petrol over it.

"Man, how many does the old freak need anyway?" Ranma asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"One's far too many." Akane muttered.

"There we go." Kasumi stated as the canister was empty. She walked over to Ranma and Akane and set it down. "Would you step back please?" Kasumi asked as she pulled on a pair of welder's goggles she kept around for when Akane was cooking and lit a match. Ranma took a single step back and pulled Akane with her as Kasumi tossed the match on to the pile.

With a rushing whumph, the pile went up, sucking in fresh oxygen and sending out a blast of heat billowing past the three girls. For a moment, Ranma was sure there was some ghastly demonic face crying out in terror and pain in the smoke that rose off the pile. It quickly evaporated and vanished as the smoke ascended into the air. She blinked her eyes.

'Trick of the light.' Ranma decided.

Back inside the living room, Happosai sniffed the air as the smell of burning material caught his attention.

"Hmm, smells like burning cotton, silk and a 80 percent polyester blend..." he mumbled and quickly turned his eyes to his ironing. Seeing no burn marks there he turned to look outside, following the direction of the smell on the breeze. At first the sight didn't fully register, being as it was something unthinkable. Nobody was stupid enough to burn his collection, oh no. However, the truth slowly dawned on him as Soun was looking out into the yard, white as a sheet and his hair standing on end, while Genma-panda was pretending at being a normal panda, lying on his back and playing with a tire.

The old perverted master's eyes widened in surprise as his jaw dropped open and his tiny moustache drooped. He dropped his pipe from numb fingers.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Happosai shot to his feet and bounded across the room. He landed on the go board, scattering the pieces all over and fell to his hands and knees on the veranda after scrabbling on to it. "My...my...silky..." the old man gasped in horror, the flames reflected in his large watery eyes. "What...have you done?"

"We're cleaning out your room, old fart." Ranma grinned, amused for once to see Happosai looking like the bottom had fallen out of his world.

"My collection!" Happosai wailed to the heavens.

Kasumi lifted the goggles to her forehead as she walked over and bent down beside the crying master. She patted him gently on the back. "There, there, uncle Happosai. We only threw out the old ones. I left all your favourites in your wardrobe."

"Boohoo...Y-you did?" Happosai sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"You mean I *wasn't* supposed to throw the ones in the wardrobe out as well?" Ranma asked looking thoughtful with a finger to her lips and eyes skywards. "Oh well," Ranma shrugged, grinned cheekily and added a disrespectful. "Whoops. My bad."

"Oh my..." Kasumi said.

Happosai's pupils shrunk down to little pinpricks before his aura sprang up around him. He hopped off his knees and pointed a finger at Ranma. "Ranma! This is the last straw! You hear me! The last! I'm going to teach you a lesson you *won't* ever forget you little punk!"

"Bring it on old freak." Ranma grinned and cracked her knuckles as Happosai continued to splutter rage.

Happosai reached into his robes and pulled out one of his signature Happo-Daikarin's faster than the eye could follow and shot forward off the veranda in a leap. At the apex of his jump he pulled his arm back, ready for the pitch. That was when Ranma yanked her shirt open with predicable results.

"Hotcha!" Happosai completely forgot about his revenge at the sight of a bare female chest and dove towards Ranma, still carrying the explosive. When the old pervert got within striking distance, Ranma quickly moved and dropped a hard elbow on to the top of Happosai's head, driving him face-first into the ground.

"Moron." Ranma shook her head as she picked up the stunned martial arts master up by the back of his gi and held him at arm's length like a fouled nappy. "Akane, you want the honours?" Ranma asked.

"Sure." Akane grinned swinging back her mallet. With a thawck noise, the old pervert went soaring over the buildings.

"Nice hang-time." Ranma complimented as she watched the speck in the sky explode with a bang, holding a hand above her eyes to block out the sun.

"Thanks." Akane rested the mallet on her shoulder before slapping Ranma on the back of the head.

"Oi! What was that for?" Ranma complained and rubbed at the sore spot.

"Have you still got no feminine modesty?" Akane snapped.

"Bah! It's just another weapon to use against freaks like the old fart." Ranma snorted and folded her arms under her bare breasts, which emphasised them even further.

"Baka!" Akane pointed over at her father who was still sitting stunned, but now had a goofy expression on his face instead of shock. "Cover yourself up." Akane pulled Ranma's arms to the side and began to re-button her shirt. "Beside, I'm supposed to be the only one who gets to see them." she added quietly.

"Oh? Oooooh." Ranma realised what she meant with a grin as she overheard Akane. "You mean you want to see them?" she added slyly.

"What?" Akane blushed at the tone Ranma used. "That's not what I meant!" she waved her hands as she tried to back-pedal and retract what she had said.

Ranma fluttered her eyelids suggestively. "Reeeeeeeally?"

"Ranma! You! You pervert!" Ranma's answer was a mallet to the face which sent her flying into the koi pond. Ranma resurfaced and spat out water and then waved a fist at Akane.

"You are soooo uncute!"

x-X-x

The crispy mess that was Happosai fell from the sky and landed with a splat face-first on to the hard concrete. He lay still for a few seconds before snapping his head up and drawing in a long deep and pained gasping breath. He then dropped his forehead back against the ground and half growled, half whimpered.

'That punk! He'll pay for destroying my silky darlings! I'll make him rue the day he met me! And those two idiots as well! My wrath shall know no end! It'll be relentless! Right...after I have a rest...' Happosai decided and remained lying still to let his strength recover. 'Damn him using my weakness against me.'

'If he didn't have such a cute girl-form he couldn't use those firm, full and bouncy beauties against me!' Happosai thought. 'Hmm, if I got rid of his girl form - no, I can't do that! I'd never see Ranma-chan in silky darlings then!'

'I'll just have to beat some respect into the boy! But the boy's too good nowadays, taking him head on would be foolish. Hmm, there's got to be someone who can beat him easily. But even the Amazon's are being careful around him since he defeated Saffron a year ago.' Happosai's eyes widened as he realised there might be some way to get someone who was strong enough to teach the boy a lesson. 'The Amazons! Of course, if I remember rightly Lil'Cologne has something just for this sort of occasion.'

"Bwahahaa! Prepare to face an opponent even you can't beat Ranma!" Happosai declared as he bounded to his feet, scaring off the small boy who had been poking the apparent road-kill with a stick.

Quickly the perverted martial artist gathered his bearings and figured out where he had landed, before he bounded off at a run towards the Cat Café. He took to the rooftops until his target came into view. Happosai came to a halt on the roof of the building next door to the café. He pulled on his black thief's handkerchief and tied it under his nose, before hopping down into the backyard and sneaking into back.

He grinned as the café seemed quite busy and Cologne was distracted with keeping up with the demand for food. Happosai flattened himself to the wall and snook along to the basement door. He slipped round the frame and lightly hopped down the stairs. At the bottom, he began to search through the various wooden cupboards that stood against the walls. The first few were full of foodstuffs but soon he found one filled with various ingredients used for the Amazon's potions.

"Hmm, love potion number five?" Happosai mumbled quietly. "Well, if this plan fails I could use this one Ranma-chan and make her my love-slave." the old master giggled at the possibility and with shifty eyes slipped the bottle into his gi. He then moved to the next cupboard. "Hotcha! Jackpot." he cheered at finding the scrolls inside. "Hmm, summoning and banishing." he read the descriptions.

"I don't suppose you're planning to *not* steal Amazon scrolls, are you Happi?" Cologne's voice asked from the stairway.

"Heehee. Lil'Cologne." Happosai grabbed a scroll at random and turned around, while trying to hide it behind his back. "I was just going to borrow one."

"Really? Borrowing would mean you had permission in the first place." Cologne stated. Beside her Mousse stood with his arms folded in his robes and his glasses resting on his forehead. "It also means you would put it back when finished."

"Of course I would." Happosai nodded, inching to the side.

"Mousse, stop him from leaving." Cologne commanded. Happosai stood calmly and watched the semi-blind boy attack the refrigerator in the corner, tying it up with thick chains from his sleeves. Cologne sighed.

"Haha! Fools! Take this!" Happosai stated throwing a Happo-Daikarin towards Cologne, who calmly hopped off her staff, batted the bomb back and was back to balancing on her staff all within a second or so.

"Who's the fool?" Cologne started to say when the chi infused bomb exploded before it reached Happosai, blasting a hole in the ceiling. Surprised faces of the various patrons to the restaurant stared down at the interruption to their meal.

"Bwhahahha! See you losers!" Happosai shouted back down as he hopped out through the hole and vanished out the front door.

"I should have known." Cologne sighed. She hopped over and batted Mousse on the back of his head. "Does that look anything like Happosai? How many times do I have tell you to use your glasses?"

"Sorry honoured elder. Should I go after him?" Mousse asked untangling his chains.

"Don't bother. He'd just make you look a bigger fool than you already are." Cologne pogo'd over to the cupboard Happosai had taken a scroll from.

"What did he take?"

"Oh ho, interesting. Looks like Son-in-law must have upset him again." Cologne chuckled. "He took one of the god's of war scrolls."

"The what?"

"An ancient Amazon technique used to summon an unbeatable opponent. They're rarely used, only when an Amazon has grown too powerful and is in need to learn the humility of defeat are these employed. Two spells are required, one to summon and one to banish, for we can't run the risk of summoning someone unbeatable and letting them run loose." Cologne explained as she tidied up the scrolls. That was when she realised something. "Oh my. The fool's only taken one scroll...and it's the banishing one."

"Is that bad?" Mousse asked while he adjusted his glasses.

"Meh, probably nothing will happen." Cologne shrugged. "Hmm, but then again this is Son-in-law were talking about. Who knows how stupid or dangerous this could end up being. Mousse close up shop for the day, I'm heading to the Tendos."

x-X-x

"Would you stop hitting me into the pond?" Ranma groused as he dried his hair with a white towel. He sent an annoyed glance to Akane who sat beside him on the wooden veranda.

"Humph! Serves you right for being a pervert." the youngest Tendo sniffed and turned away with her nose in the air and arms crossed.

"Hey, you started it! Saying such things." Ranma pointed out as he draped the towel around his neck. He picked up his red shirt and began to carefully wring the pond water out of it.

"It's different when a girl says those things!"

"Uh huh." Ranma rolled his eyes.

"Ah young love." Soun nodded happily from across the room. Ranma and Akane turned a withering glare towards him which harmlessly bounced off his personal little bubble of reality.

Happosai suddenly landed on Genma and Soun's game, and for the second time that day sent the pieces scattering to the four winds. He clutched the scroll like a prized possession and chuckled low and malevolently before without sparing anyone a glance walked through the living-room towards the door to the hall.

"Back for more old freak?" Ranma asked just as Happosai reached the doorway. The ancient master paused and glanced back over his shoulder, his eyes seeming to glow evilly as he chuckled.

"Just you wait Ranma. My revenge will soon be complete!" With that said Happosai left the room.

"Well...that's weird." Ranma scratched his head, he had expected Happosai to attack him right there and then. A heavy object slammed into his chest, distracting him from thoughts of Happosai. "Hey?" it was a filled backpack.

"C'mon boy, training trip!" Genma explained with a terrified expression and his own backpack prepared and on his shoulders.

"Will you quit it with the training trip excuse!" Ranma angrily tossed the backpack to the ground and thumped Genma on the head, sending his father crashing to the side.

"What did you do that for!" Genma was back on his feet and bellowing at Ranma. They glared at each other with foreheads pressed together in a battle of wills.

"Do I really need to explain it to you?" Ranma growled.

"This is serious! We need to get you away from here!"

"What? It's only Happosai being Happosai!"

"Foolish boy!" Genma pushed forward. "I've never seen the Master so serious before! We need to flee before he brings wrath and destruction down upon us!"

Ranma stepped aside, letting Genma fall flat on his face as the obstacle keeping him balanced vanished. The annoyed teen placed his foot on his father's head and held him down. "So he's gonna order food under our names and do other petty little crimes. Big deal! I'll just beat him up again."

"Boy! Listen to your father for once." Genma begged, his voice distorted from talking into the floor.

"Yes, Son." Soun appeared beside Ranma. He glanced in the direction Happosai had gone and finished. "The Master seemed very serious, frighteningly so."

"Oh please!" Ranma shook his head and looked to Akane for support. "Can you believe them Akane?"

"Um, I think they might be right Ranma." Akane replied uncertainly as she too glanced in the direction Happosai had left in. She turned worried eyes back to Ranma. "This is just like when he used the weakness moxibustion on you."

Ranma stared at Akane in betrayal for a second before sighing dramatically. "And I still managed to beat him."

"Ranma..." Akane couldn't quite manage to put her fears into words.

"Right! I'm going to prove he's just all talk." Ranma declared and marched after the shrivelled pervert.

"Ranma!" Akane rushed after him as he went through the hall and up the stairs.

"Okay you old freak! Let's settle this!" Ranma slammed the door to Happosai's room open. Happosai's room was dully lit with a single shaft of sunlight the only source of light coming in through the windows where the blinds were half-closed. In the centre of the room, the old man sat with his legs underneath himself and resting his hands on his knees. For once he gave the appearance of an old and powerful master of martial arts, and it was enough to make Ranma pause for a second in the doorway. Akane peeked worriedly around him into the room.

"So, you wish to see my revenge early do you boy?" Happosai kept his eyes down and continued to read the scroll on how to perform the technique.

"Feh, I'll just defeat whatever you're planning." Ranma waved off the threat.

"Unlikely. This time you'll not stand a chance." Happosai stated. "However, don't ever let anyone ever tell I'm not a benevolent old man," Ranma snorted at the thought. "I'm willing to forget all this if Ranma-chan'll be my love-slave for a week and wear these lovely silky darlings." Happosai held up a lacy black bra and matching panties.

"Not a chance in hell you old pervert!" Ranma snarled, sickened at the thought.

"Then prepare to face your defeat!" Happosai stated and began to perform the ritual. His hands flashed rapidly through movements and finally he whipped out a small knife and made a small cut in his palm, before slamming it down on to the scroll. There was a flash which caused Happosai to recoil and blink his eyes for a few seconds. Once his vision returned properly, he expected to see a powerful warrior standing before him, however all he saw was rapidly fading smoke and no sign of Ranma or Akane.

x-X-x

"And what was -" Ranma blinked in surprise as he found himself in the familiar situation of being in mid-air above buildings. For a second he stared dumbfounded as gravity got a hold of him and he began to plummet towards the rooftops below him.

"Awww crap!" he exclaimed.

x-X-x

"This is booooring!" Naruto exclaimed loudly to the almost empty classroom. All the other teams had met their sensei and had gone off to start whatever training regime they would be getting. Except Team 7, who were still waiting for theirs to show up.

"Naruto! Our sensei is bound to show up any time now. Stop being so loud!" Sakura shouted loudly. "Why can't you be patient like Sasuke-kun?" she sent Sasuke a shy and demure glance which he completely ignored, finding his knuckles more interesting.

"This is almost as bad as waiting the two minutes for ramen to cook!" Naruto declared and climbed out from his seat and on to the desk.

"Where are you going?" the pink-haired girl asked suspiciously.

"Nowhere. I just can't sit around any longer!" Naruto hopped down to the floor and stretched.

"You'll get us in trouble." Sakura pointed out in an attempt to keep Naruto under control, she knew what kind of tricks the blond boy liked to get up to when he got bored. Although Inner-Sakura was chuckling at the thought.

"I'm not leaving, you know." Naruto stated and glanced around the classroom for something, anything to do to take his mind off the boredom.

"Well don't blame us if Sensei gets mad at you." Sakura stated.

"What to do? What to – huh?" Naruto glanced up as a loud thud above them shook the classroom.

"What was that?" Sakura asked as another crash above them went off sounding a lot closer. She started to stand when the ceiling suddenly burst inwards and a body came crashing to the floor in front of Naruto, causing the boy to back-flip over the desk in terror. Sakura yelped and flinched, defending her face with her arms and even Sasuke shot to his feet in surprise to see what had happened.

Sakura began coughing as the cloud of dust floated around the room. Further small pieces of rubble from the ceiling crumbled down as Naruto's spiky hair popped back over the top of the desk until his startled eyes were visible. He gripped the edge of the desk with white fingers in surprise.

"W-what was that?" he asked shaken by the unexplained destruction.

"Someone fell through the roof?" Sakura waved her hands before her face to clear the air and then glanced down at the unmoving body. All three newly minted genin looked at each other and then leaned over the desks to get a better view. To them they saw a young man, laying splayed on the floor, arms and legs, bent and outstretched with his hands held in a silly position of his two inner fingers held under his palms while he was face down. He had the look of a fighter, judging by his toned upper body visible beneath his white vest. What was weird was the towel still around his neck as if he'd just had a bath.

"Is he...dead?" Sakura asked looking at the body and then up through the holes in the ceiling. She could see right through the other floors of the school and the clear blue sky beyond.

"Let's check!" Naruto decided, growing brave once more. He hopped over the desk and crouched down beside Ranma. "Yo, you dead?" he poked the pigtailed boy. The only response was for Ranma to twitch. "I think he's dead." Naruto exclaimed looking back up.

"Oh no!" Sakura gasped.

"Idiot! He's still breathing and twitched when you poked him." Sasuke snapped and crossed his arms.

"Sasuke-kun, you're soo smart!" Sakura gushed in another attempt to butter up her love.

"Only a pair of idiots wouldn't notice he was breathing." Sasuke stated in superiority. Sakura deflated as Sasuke had included her in that statement. 'Sasuke labelled me the same as Naruto...'

"Hmm? I've got an idea!" Naruto declared with a laugh as he bounded across to the blackboard and grabbed the chalk. He hopped back giggling and began drawing a white outline around Ranma, including around his fingers. "Heehee."

"Naruto! Stop that! He might be hurt!" Sakura watched on in horror. "We should get him to hospital or something."

"We're supposed to wait for our sensei to...arrive..." Sasuke trailed off as all three glanced down at Ranma at the same time.

"You don't suppose," Sakura started.

"This is," Naruto continued.

"Our Sensei?" Sasuke finished in disbelief.

"I'll check." Naruto said and grabbed Ranma's pigtail and gave it a tug. "Hey, you wouldn't be our Sensei would you?"

"Gah! That hurt!" Ranma suddenly bellowed out and sprang to his feet, startling the three genin. Naruto scrabbled away from Ranma from the sheer volume of his shout. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Ranma complained as he felt all the aches and bruises from crashing into the rooftop. He rubbed his stiff neck and glanced up at the Ranma shaped holes he had left from his descent.

"Man, three whole floors! That's either a new record or this is one shoddily constructed building." Ranma stated with a raised eyebrow. "That old fart'll pay for throwing me this far." he clenched his fist dramatically.

'Old fart?' Naruto thought, thinking the only old man powerful enough to throw someone through a building he knew was the Hokage, which meant the Hokage must have sent this guy personally.

"That's so cool! You gotta teach me how to do that Sensei!" Naruto exclaimed putting two and two together and getting fifteen.

Ranma blinked in surprise at the excited voice he didn't recognise and he realised he wasn't alone. He glanced over his shoulder at the blond boy in the orange jacket and pants. Naruto grinned up excitedly at Ranma who continued to stare back.

"Wait, wait..backup a second. Sensei?" Ranma asked as the boys words finally registered and he turned to fully face Naruto as the boy bounded to his feet.

"We've been waiting all day for you to arrive!" Naruto complained with a sour expression, but that changed to excited as he pointed at the hole. "But that's gotta be the greatestest of entrances ever!"

"Um, okay." Ranma just agreed, unsure what else to do. He took a moment to look around the room. He realised it was a classroom from the seating arrangements and the large blackboard, but the combat dummy in the corner with knives and throwing stars stuck in it, and the various pressure-point and human body weak-spot charts made his eyebrows rise. 'Man, now this looks like my kind of class.'

"I can't wait to learn new techniques Sensei! But don't teach Sasuke-bastard them." Naruto was babbling now and Ranma turned to Sakura who was closest.

"Is this guy for real?" Ranma asked.

"Unfortunately." Sakura sighed in reply.

"And, and -"

"Okay kid, shut up." Ranma snapped, startling Naruto into temporary silence. "What makes you think I'm going to teach you anything?"

"Because..." Naruto paused to think. "Because we've been waiting for you to arrive all day and you said the old man sent you!"

"You know that old pervert?" Ranma blinked.

"Yup! And I know a technique that beats him in one move!" Naruto exclaimed proudly with his finger held high. Ranma blinked and then shot across to Naruto and wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder.

"Okay kid, you teach me the technique and I'll teach you a move! Sound fair?" Ranma asked.

"Really?"

"I don't break a promise." Ranma nodded as thoughts of defeating Happosai easily and sending the old fart packing ran through his head. Naruto had the image of him being tough enough that throwing daggers bounced off him in his head. The pair began laughing goofily together at their plans.

"Oh...god...Sensei's just like Naruto!" Sakura hung her head in despair.

"This guy can't be our sensei." Sasuke exclaimed suddenly.

"Huh?" Naruto and Ranma stopped laughing and looked at the other boy.

"What do you mean Sasuke-kun?" Sakura glanced between Ranma and Naruto and Sasuke.

"I mean, look at him. Really, he's just some civilian. He doesn't have a forehead protector or a combat vest." Sasuke pointed out.

"Why would I need a forehead protector? My heads plenty hard enough already." Ranma stated and then winched as he realised how stupid that made him sound. Not for the first time did he wish he didn't have the Saotome runaway mouth.

"And he looks like an idiot with that towel." Sasuke shook his head and turned to leave. "I don't have time for this. I need a strong sensei not some idiot wearing a towel."

Ranma's eyes narrowed and he stood back to his full height. One thing he couldn't stand was to be ignored and looked down upon. "Really? Haven't you ever heard of the ancient art of towel-fu or bathhouse martial arts?"

"Towel-fu? What the hell are you on?" Sasuke exclaimed as he turned back to face Ranma. He flinched back in surprise when Ranma suddenly appeared before him and leaned down so their noses almost touched, with his fists resting on his hips.

"A towel can be a deadly weapon. Never underestimate the power of towel-fu." Ranma stated dangerously, attempting to cower the brat before him.

"So you're fast. But you're still a moron." Sasuke reaffirmed. He turned and started walking away, hands in his pockets.

Whip-crack! Damp towel met Sasuke's butt cheeks as Ranma snapped it at the boy. Sasuke howled in surprise and stinging pain and leapt a good foot into the air. He landed awkwardly and held the painful cheeks while Naruto fell on to his back and began howling in laughter, his legs kicking in the air at the hilarity of what had just occurred. Sakura's eyes bulged in shock.

"I warned you." Ranma stated calmly spinning the towel around as if it were the leak from leakspin. He caught the other end with his free hand and snapped it. "A true master can make anything a deadly weapon."

"You!" Sasuke growled and took up a fighting stance. His pride stung almost as his buttocks. Ranma grinned at the expression of seriousness on the boy's face. 'Seems he's taking me seriously now.'

"Careful brat, I might have to hurt you." Ranma egged him on.

Sasuke growled and launched a kick towards Ranma's head. The pigtailed martial artist moved to the side and snapped the towel out, wrapping it around Sasuke's extended leg and with a powerful flick dragged to boy off his feet and tossed him across the classroom. Sasuke twisted in the air and hit the far wall with his feet, bent his knees to absorb the impact and pushed off to land safely on the ground. Ranma continued to grin annoyingly as Sasuke readjusted his thoughts about the older teen. As quickly as he could, he threw multiple kunai at Ranma.

Ranma just flicked his wrist. By pumping a small amount of chi into the towel it went rigid and he proceeded to use it like a sword and sliced all the oncoming kunai in half to the surprise of the watching genin.

"Wow! I need to learn that!" Naruto exclaimed.

"No way!" Sasuke exclaimed as Ranma closed the distance between them. He leapt back to place some distance between them, but Ranma swung the towel towards Sasuke's neck. The boy's eyes widened in horror as he remembered how the towel had sliced his kunai apart.

"No! Sasuke!" Sakura shrieked in terror having the same thought.

The towel didn't cut, but instead wrapped around Sasuke's neck and with a tug Ranma brought the boy towards him. Sasuke had no way to avoid the knee that landed in his gut and knocked the air out of him. Within seconds Ranma had the boy hog-tied with the towel and held him up by it.

"So." Ranma smirked as Sasuke drew in deep breaths and slowly rotated from side-to-side. "Still think towel-fu is stupid?"

"You!" Sasuke managed to snarl in hatred at the humiliation.

"Stop hurting Sasuke-kun!" Sakura charged in swinging wildly. Ranma rolled his eyes and mentioned "Tomboys." while he easily dodged around the enraged girl, still carrying Sasuke and waited for her to tire, which didn't take long. Sakura ran out of steam and stood panting with her hands on her knees.

"You calmed down yet?" Ranma asked. The girl backed away as she finally realised she couldn't touch Ranma.

"Um, yes...Sensei." Sakura mumbled looking down at her feet.

"Have you calmed down too?" Ranma asked Sasuke.

'This guy is good after all.' Sasuke thought. 'And that technique, making the towel cut through kunai. That's useful. Maybe this guy can teach me something after all.'

"Yes." Sasuke muttered, temporary resigned to learning from him.

"Cool. Gonna untie you now. Attack me though and next time I'll leave hanging from the highest tower. Got it?" Ranma placed Sasuke on the ground gently and untied the boy.

"Got it." Sasuke nodded and got back to his feet, rubbing his wrists as he did so. "Sensei." he added quietly.

Ranma frowned. "Hey now! I never agreed to be you guy's sensei."

"What!" three genin exclaimed at the same time.

"But you promised to teach us! Well me! But we're supposed all learn together!" Naruto exclaimed. "You lied to me!" he added in disappointment and mumbled. "Just like everyone else, jerk."

Ranma winced as he realised he had promised to teach the boy one technique at least. 'Well, I could just take off back to the Tendo's,' he reasoned. 'But I did promise...dammit! Me and my big mouth. I guess taking a month out for a training trip with them might be fun.' Ranma sighed.

"Fine. Fine." the three genin eyed him suspiciously as he walked over to window and opened it. "I'll accept you as my students if you can pass a simple test."

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke exchanged a curious glance and then looked up at Ranma. "What test Sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Keep up with me." Ranma smirked and back-flipped over the window sill. His three potential students raced over to see him land lightly two stories below. Naruto shared a determined look with Sasuke and they both went to climb out the window together, which predictably got them stuck.

"You moron!" Sasuke exclaimed straining to get out.

"It's your fault bastard!" Naruto complained seconds before they suddenly came free and tumbled down together to land in a pile. Sakura followed after them and landed easily.

"Well, you two have just been beaten by a girl." Ranma smirked at the pair who glared up at him. "C'mon, we're just getting warmed up!" Ranma grinned and with a powerful leap took to the nearest roof top and was then off, fulling expecting them to be unable to follow him. The two boys untangled themselves and gave chase, with Sakura following.

They all raced along the rooftops, not drawing any curious stares as it was a common sight. Ranma leapt over a wide street to another roof and then ran along it. He was surprised to find the kids weren't half bad after all, all three were capable of roof hopping. They even seemed to actually be good at it, almost keeping up with him, although he wasn't pushing anywhere near his top speed, choosing to take his time to study where he was.

The town or city he found himself in was definitely strange. A weird mishmash of building styles, western, eastern and some buildings even looked like they were shanty town shacks. The large tower in the distance was oddly built too. But the weirdest thing to Ranma was the massive faces carved in the cliff beyond the tower. Still, he guessed he was still somewhere in Japan as all the writing was in kanji and a lot of people in the streets below wore traditional clothing.

'Where the heck did the old freak send me?' Ranma wondered having already decided whatever Happosai had done had sent him somewhere. He glanced at the billboard across the street advertising some film called "Come Come Paradise". He got the distinct impression it wasn't something Akane would approve of.

'I bet this is where the old lecher disappears to every now and then.' Ranma thought, 'Even the kids know him. Reminds me, must ask them about him later.'

Ranma soon had covered half the town and dropped to the ground as he approached the huge wall that surrounded the town. He had spotted it soon after leaving the school and decided to see exactly how good the kids actually were at following him. He skidded to a halt and waited for the three genin. They landed near him shortly, all three looked a little out of breath, with the girl being the worst and surprisingly the blond kid the least tired looking.

"Okay brats, listen up!" Ranma said. "You actually might have what it takes, but the real test is about to start!"

"Bring it on! I'll ace it!" Naruto challenged. Sasuke just stood and waited and Sakura fidgeted nervously wondering what the test was.

"See this wall?" Ranma rapped it with his knuckles. "We're going to climb over it. Questions?" Ranma grinned.

"That's easy!" Naruto scoffed.

"Um, Sensei how is this a harder test than following you across the village was?" Sakura asked taking out a kunai ready to use it to assist in climbing the wall.

"Because you can't use anything but your own fingers and feet." Ranma stated swiping the weapon out of Sakura's fingers and tossing it away.

"What?" the girl exclaimed. All three genin raised their eyes to the top of the wall. A circling hawk screeched above them at that moment as if it were mocking them. Sasuke walked over and pressed his hand against the smooth wall. The wall wouldn't keep out powerful ninja, but did stop any ordinary bandits climbing it, being completely smooth.

"Okay, there's a trick to this then isn't there?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Yup." Ranma grinned. "I'll go first okay, watch closely." he stepped back to get a good run up and then raced at the wall. The genin fully expected him to slam into it the way he ran, or jump really high over it. They never expected him to race up the side of it and off the top into the air and land lightly on the top of the wall.

"That's how you do it!" Ranma called down. "Well come on! Keep up!"

"What?" Sasuke stared up.

"How?" Sakura glanced between Ranma and the wall.

"Awesome! Here I go!" Naruto back up and then raced full speed at the wall. He slammed heavily into it and slowly slid down, whimpering in pain all the way.

"Idiot." Sasuke stated without any heat as he stepped back and tried to figure out the trick. 'Obviously it needs speed, probably the way you push your feet against it.' he thought, 'Maybe it's jumping quickly up it in small steps and it just looks like he ran up it?'

Sasuke set off at a sprint and jumped at the wall, avoiding making a fool of himself the way Naruto had. He pressed his foot against the wall and pushed off it, hoping to jump straight up and get another shot. It didn't work out. As soon as he pushed off he shot away from the wall, forcing him to drop back to the ground. He landed in a crouch and glanced back up at Ranma. He narrowed his eyes.

"I'm waaaaaaiting!" Ranma called down in an annoying tone.

Sakura tried to grip the wall with her fingers, but the surface was too smooth. She frowned and placed a foot against the wall and tested how her footwear slipped on it. "It's impossible, unless we have to use chakra somehow." She thought back to classes where they had been instructed on how to use chakra to assist in holding your weapons in such a way it made it nearly impossible for an enemy to knock it from your hands. 'Maybe something similar but with your feet.' she thought.

Another loud thud startled her from her thoughts as Naruto repeated his previous attempt. "Ouch..."

Sasuke continued trying, each time he raced the wall he attempted to push off at a different angle. Each time ended up in him dropping back down to the ground and not even reaching the halfway point.

Ranma stood and watched the genin attempt to climb the wall. 'Blondie's as dumb and stubborn as Ryouga.' he thought with shake of his head. 'This Sasuke-kun's stubborn as hell too, but he's not as dumb. Still, he hasn't figured it out yet.'

Ranma then turned his attention to the girl and did a double-take as she was actually walking up the wall, slowly and with an intense look of concentration on her face. 'What the hell? How's she doing that?' Ranma blinked. 'She's not using momentum climbing that slowly. Hmm, she's definitely using her chi somehow though.' Ranma frowned and continued to study how she was using it. She was soon halfway and still climbing. The other two had noticed and were both staring on in shock at the sight.

"Eh!" Naruto pointed at Sakura dumbfounded. "How's she doing that!"

Sasuke clenched his fists. 'How? Why's she better than me!'

Ranma cocked his head to the side deep in thought as Sakura climbed on to the top of wall and joined him.

"I did it Sensei." she smiled and wiped the sweat off her forehead.

"Not too bad." Ranma said flatly, copying the way his father had often spoken to him when he had succeeded at a hard task. He also refused to let on he wanted to know how she had done that, but he already had a fair idea. "Okay you two brats! This girl has beaten you two times so far!"

Naruto and Sasuke glanced at each other and renewed their attempts, neither wanting to be dead last this time. This time Naruto tried doing the same as Sakura and ended up falling on to his back. Sasuke's attempts continued to fail as well.

'There has to be another way.' Naruto thought as he lay with his legs against the wall and looked up at Sakura and Ranma. 'I need a ladder...ah ha!' Naruto sprang back to his feet and grinned.

"What are you laughing at?" Sasuke looked over at the grinning blond.

"Only able to use our own hands and feet eh?" Naruto laughed. "Kage-Bushin-no-jutsu!"

"Okay, that's new..." Ranma muttered at seeing the boy sudden create a load of clones. Of course he'd seen similar techniques before, but how was creating illusion's of yourself going to help him climb the wall?

"Naruto can do that now?" Sakura wondered from beside him.

"Okay men!" the original Naruto called out. "Form the Uzumaki Ladder Technique!"

The clones ran over to the wall and began climbing on to each other's shoulders. Naruto then began climbing up his clones. Halfway up he looked back down at Sasuke and blew him a raspberry. "What's the matter dead last? Nah nah!"

"You!" Sasuke snarled. He realised the clones Naruto had made seemed solid. With a nasty smirk he backed up and then raced at the wall. Leaping as high as he could, Sasuke made sure he landed with his foot in the face of one of the clones before pushing away. The clone burst into smoke breaking the chain and the ones above began falling. Sasuke then used the falling clones as springboards and jumped off each one, popping them until he caught the very top with his fingers. He pulled himself up and smirked over at Ranma.

"Well, you got up here." Ranma shrugged and let it pass, as he was much more interested in the cloning technique. 'Solid illusions, or semi-solid until someone hits them hard enough. Damn, I need to learn that!' he was almost salivating at the tricks he could pull off with that technique. 'Who are these kids?'

"No fair! He cheated!" Naruto bellowed up in anger after picking himself up off the ground from where he had landed.

"Anything goes in a fight. Get used to it!" Ranma called down.

"What's the matter? Dead Last!" Sasuke smirked.

"You!" Naruto bellowed and repeated creating his clone ladder and climbed up. Once all three genin were standing on the wall and looking at him, Ranma nodded. "Okay, you guys have potential." he stated deciding that keeping them around would be interesting for a while, or at least until he learned the techniques these kids knew. "Guess I'm stuck with you lot for a while then."

Sasuke smirked. Naruto looked hopeful and Sakura looked curious.

"So I guess, we should know each other's names. I'm Ranma Saotome, heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes, and for a while, I guess your Sensei. So aside from Sasuke, what's your names?" he pointed at Sakura.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! And I'm gonna be Hokage someday!" Naruto butted in loudly.

"Oookay...your turn I guess." he looked at Sakura.

"Sakura Haruno."

"Cool. We know each other. Shall we go?" Ranma rubbed his hands expectedly.

"Go where Sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Why out into the forest of course!" Ranma stated and pointed out towards the forest and adventure. "We can't go on a training trip without going out into the wilderness, now can we?" he didn't wait for an answer and asked. "Have you guys done any survival training by the way?"

"Yes Sensei."

"Yeah! It was really fun!"

"Humph, of course."

"Well, let's get going then!" Ranma glanced up at the sun and judged what time it was. "We've got some distance to cover before nightfall! Let's go!" he jumped down. The three genin glanced at each other and shrugged before following their new sensei into the future and a new destiny.

x-X-x

Hatake Kakashi meandered into the academy about an half hour after Team 7 had actually left under the mistaken belief that Ranma was their sensei. He took his time, letting the corridors remind him of his early training. He stopped outside the door to the classroom where his potential team sat waiting. Being well briefed on his team's personalities he was expecting something to happen when we walked in. Some prank set up by Naruto.

He slid the door open and stuck his head in, fully expecting to be drenched by a bucket of water or have a chalky eraser fall on his head. He didn't show it but he was surprised when nothing happened.

"Yo, sorry I'm late -" Kakashi halted mid-sentence as he realised the classroom was empty. He swept his gaze from left to right, taking in the rubble and the chalk outline drawn in the middle of the floor. 'Okay, that's unexpected.' he thought stepping in warily and seeking signs of the three kids. He didn't find any sign of them hiding, so either they were fantastically good for their age to hide from him, or they weren't here after all.

"Who'd have thought they'd actually take off. Maybe they've got what it takes after all." Kakashi grinned behind his mask and wondered if the profiles he had been given were actually wrong about them. He stopped by the chalk outline and the surrounding rubble, and pursed his lips in thought. He suspected Naruto had tried to draw an outline like you might around a dead body, maybe trying to make him think someone had been killed while they waited?

"As if someone would lie like that." Kakashi shook his head slightly at the stupid outline. He then glanced up at the ceiling and found his single visible eye actually widening in surprise. The same shape was in the ceiling, and the one above that, and finally the academy roof. "Okaaaaaay...that's one hell of a practical joke." the copy ninja exclaimed, impressed by Naruto's creativity.

Something moved under his foot as he adjusted for a better look up through the hole. He glanced done and toed the piece of metal, then he bent down to pick it up. It was the remains of a kunai, and It appeared to have been cut in half with possibly a wind element technique. "Hmm?" he wondered as he felt the smoothness of the cut. "I'd be surprised if they knew these sorts of techniques." Kakashi muttered to himself and pocketed the destroyed weapon on a whim. "Better see if I can find them."

He turned and wandered back out. Seeing as there had been no alarms or ANBU about the area, he guessed nothing had happened. He decided to check out their homes first, to see if they had gone there after getting sick of waiting for him.


End file.
